Hello? Anyone There?
Today's Song: Three Dog Night - One Is The Lonliest Number
Well?.... Where to start...
Lets go with My first day of school. I get up at 630 in the AM and i drag my lifeless body into the shower, you know the normal before school routine....but today i only had one thing on my mind (we'll get to that later)
So i catch my bus at 744 and i notice that i am the only kid on there old enough to grow facial hair...Witch make me feel nice and out of place. But once i get to dalhousie it's ok cuz there are so many people i just blend in. I take the c-train down to brentwood and catch my other bus which takes me to school. i arrive at school around 850.... Over an hour of me on the bus doing nothing but sitting there and listening to some tunes...Thinking
First day was Social 30, Nothing special the teacher is a nice lady and i expect it'll be alot better then it was in school.
Get off school take my bus back to brentwood, where i get a ride home.
So, the night before i called Megan after i was done work and asked to see if she wanted to do something. But nah, she was busy... But she said: "We need to talk about some things, Are you free around noon tomorrow?"... now i'm not the smartest person but you can pretty much tell what's gonna happen when your GF says "we need to talk" so i was all scared and it was all i was thinking about....SO this was was i was thinking about all night and all of my bus ride and all through school.
So i called Megan when i got home, and she came over and asked me to meet her outside....
I jumped on the bike and i started to ride a little bit before she came over.... I gotta say i was FRICKEN nervous.... You don't know how hard my heart was beating... I guess it was only compairable to when i asked her out (ironically enough). So she drives up and she gets out and i can tell by the look on her face i am getting canned.
So there was some akward talk. The i asked: "What's on your mind?". So she started saying what i knew she was gonna say. You see, While i was given all this time to think what she was gonna say when she told me "we need to talk" i imagined her saying something about because she wants to be a nurse and she is gonna be living and breathing "Nursing" i knew she was gonna say she couldn't have a BF and go to school. And unfortunatly i was right. We talked about it, She knows how i feel and i know how she feels. But i wish it were different. I told her that i still like her and that might make being friends akward, so i don't know how that will work out. So we left on good terms and i totally understand her reasons why, but that dosn't help me at all... I almost think it'd be easier to hate her, cuz then i'd just think "she's a bitch" and get over it.... But i still like her. But i don't want to see her. It's fucked.
But i'll always have Sarah there for me. When i got home the night when she told me "We need to talk" I said: "Sarah, i think Megan is gonna break up with me" then Sarah says: "well just listen to what she has to say" To whick i reply: "Well when your GF says we need to talk...She isn't gonna show you her koo new socks". So after We broke up i came online and and i tell Sarah what had happened She was all like: "Jeff are you ok?, You know it's ok to be sad. If you need someone to talk to you can call me!"
Well i gotta say Thank you Sarah, But i mean i know her reasons and i respect them. But it's just so depressing not to be with her anymore. i think to myself there is nothing i can do about it and it fucking sucks cuz i still like her. I dunno, it's something i'll just have to deal with.
That night at work was the ONLY night i wasn't in a big rush to get home, Because i had no one to get off work to go see.
Which bring me to my next point. Tonight i was at work and it was pretty busy and i thought: "I NEED to go to the bar tonight" and i was thinking... Eric will come, same with Dickie....OH WAIT... Eric is in waterloo and Dickie is back in the scoosh.
FUCK
So As i am filled with this deep feeling of emptyness (thus the song...) i continue my work at the Chalet. I get off work and i head home thinking of how Lame my life has become. I gotta say i didn't expect losing all my close friends to be this devastating. So many night alone missing those people who i have gotten so close. I know Megan never ment to Choose this time especially to break up with me but i mean what a kick in the face... ANYWAYS.... I'm lonely with no friends and i get off work and my Father tell me that Sean Tarnizzel had called, I gotta say it lightened my mood 100%.
So i call him back and he wanted to go bikin and i was ALL FOR IT but then he was all like: "Ghey it's raining and wetness outside" so i fell back into my hole of depression... WHEN OUT OF NOWHERE HE PHONES BACK AND WANTS TO GO RIDING!!! Fuckin rights. So we went out and sessioned this bank by Wendy's (the one by COP) and the surrounding area. Then headed to this skate park that i had never been to and to which i have forgotten the name of, but it was fuckin fun, Sean and i were bustin out the grinds and whatnot and it was fun. I'm soo glad he called.
PS. I pray for the families and everyone affected by Tyler Zeer's unfortunate death. Our thought are with you.
Well?.... Where to start...
Lets go with My first day of school. I get up at 630 in the AM and i drag my lifeless body into the shower, you know the normal before school routine....but today i only had one thing on my mind (we'll get to that later)
So i catch my bus at 744 and i notice that i am the only kid on there old enough to grow facial hair...Witch make me feel nice and out of place. But once i get to dalhousie it's ok cuz there are so many people i just blend in. I take the c-train down to brentwood and catch my other bus which takes me to school. i arrive at school around 850.... Over an hour of me on the bus doing nothing but sitting there and listening to some tunes...Thinking
First day was Social 30, Nothing special the teacher is a nice lady and i expect it'll be alot better then it was in school.
Get off school take my bus back to brentwood, where i get a ride home.
So, the night before i called Megan after i was done work and asked to see if she wanted to do something. But nah, she was busy... But she said: "We need to talk about some things, Are you free around noon tomorrow?"... now i'm not the smartest person but you can pretty much tell what's gonna happen when your GF says "we need to talk" so i was all scared and it was all i was thinking about....SO this was was i was thinking about all night and all of my bus ride and all through school.
So i called Megan when i got home, and she came over and asked me to meet her outside....
I jumped on the bike and i started to ride a little bit before she came over.... I gotta say i was FRICKEN nervous.... You don't know how hard my heart was beating... I guess it was only compairable to when i asked her out (ironically enough). So she drives up and she gets out and i can tell by the look on her face i am getting canned.
So there was some akward talk. The i asked: "What's on your mind?". So she started saying what i knew she was gonna say. You see, While i was given all this time to think what she was gonna say when she told me "we need to talk" i imagined her saying something about because she wants to be a nurse and she is gonna be living and breathing "Nursing" i knew she was gonna say she couldn't have a BF and go to school. And unfortunatly i was right. We talked about it, She knows how i feel and i know how she feels. But i wish it were different. I told her that i still like her and that might make being friends akward, so i don't know how that will work out. So we left on good terms and i totally understand her reasons why, but that dosn't help me at all... I almost think it'd be easier to hate her, cuz then i'd just think "she's a bitch" and get over it.... But i still like her. But i don't want to see her. It's fucked.
But i'll always have Sarah there for me. When i got home the night when she told me "We need to talk" I said: "Sarah, i think Megan is gonna break up with me" then Sarah says: "well just listen to what she has to say" To whick i reply: "Well when your GF says we need to talk...She isn't gonna show you her koo new socks". So after We broke up i came online and and i tell Sarah what had happened She was all like: "Jeff are you ok?, You know it's ok to be sad. If you need someone to talk to you can call me!"
Well i gotta say Thank you Sarah, But i mean i know her reasons and i respect them. But it's just so depressing not to be with her anymore. i think to myself there is nothing i can do about it and it fucking sucks cuz i still like her. I dunno, it's something i'll just have to deal with.
That night at work was the ONLY night i wasn't in a big rush to get home, Because i had no one to get off work to go see.
Which bring me to my next point. Tonight i was at work and it was pretty busy and i thought: "I NEED to go to the bar tonight" and i was thinking... Eric will come, same with Dickie....OH WAIT... Eric is in waterloo and Dickie is back in the scoosh.
FUCK
So As i am filled with this deep feeling of emptyness (thus the song...) i continue my work at the Chalet. I get off work and i head home thinking of how Lame my life has become. I gotta say i didn't expect losing all my close friends to be this devastating. So many night alone missing those people who i have gotten so close. I know Megan never ment to Choose this time especially to break up with me but i mean what a kick in the face... ANYWAYS.... I'm lonely with no friends and i get off work and my Father tell me that Sean Tarnizzel had called, I gotta say it lightened my mood 100%.
So i call him back and he wanted to go bikin and i was ALL FOR IT but then he was all like: "Ghey it's raining and wetness outside" so i fell back into my hole of depression... WHEN OUT OF NOWHERE HE PHONES BACK AND WANTS TO GO RIDING!!! Fuckin rights. So we went out and sessioned this bank by Wendy's (the one by COP) and the surrounding area. Then headed to this skate park that i had never been to and to which i have forgotten the name of, but it was fuckin fun, Sean and i were bustin out the grinds and whatnot and it was fun. I'm soo glad he called.
PS. I pray for the families and everyone affected by Tyler Zeer's unfortunate death. Our thought are with you.
Once a Trojan always a Trojan.
3 Comments:
Hey Jeff. I know how you feel, like something died inside, and you feel lost without it. You feel like you'd like to blame her, but it's not her fault, and nor is it yours. Telling yourself "She's a bitch, forget her" is not the way to go. It doesn't work, I've tried it before. It wasn't a matter of what you didn't or couldn't do, but more of a bad-timing matter. Maybe she won't be as busy as she thought she'd be? It's not the end, the end isn't the end until you accept defeat.
"Is it safe to look within… to erase all that's been and all that's been between…"It wasn't all bad was it? Do you regret what you had? You don't, I know it. Don't feel like it amounted to nothing, because, hell, weren't those the two best months of your life?
"I let you just a million times, I love you even though it isn't fair…"Yeah, it sucks, most of my friends left (our friends included), but hey, we're still here :D
Practically wrote a whole post in your comments :/
P.S. Pick a day for Joey's and tell me.
Yeah, like Justin said, it's not the end of the world, although I'm sure if feels like it. It's not the greatest thing to experience. Just think that it could have been even worse. The good times you had weren't something that had never happened.
Yeah, Vanessa, Dickie, and I left and were probably your closest friends and it must feel lonely. There's always other people you can turn to when we're not around (online lol) (but of course they can't replace us cuz we're so much cooler. ;) ). I dunno what else to tell you... I've had my lonely moments, afterall I've come to a place where I know absolutely no one, not even one person from the same school that I perhaps wasn't a friend with, you know? Shrug. I'm getting through a lot of things and mentally experiencing a lot being away from friends.
I dunno what I'm saying anymore. I'm trying to say something but I don't even know what it is I want to say. It's just... It's not the end, but it's still normal to think what you are thinking... just don't dwell on it too much.
I'm terrible at this lol. I have a psych class, perhaps I may be able to carry these things out better after.
Hey Jeffy, Jocelyn here..
I was very sorry upon reading your recent blogs to find out the news. My best advice for you is, keep your chin up. Your heart has been cut..but cuts always heal to nothing more then a scar. AND, i always say. If it was meant to be, she will come back to you. If it doesnt, then you have to hope and beleive that there will be other people out there for you when your ready. Im not saying you should try and stop liking her or anything, but try and think of the whole thing as a good experience, a happy memory. Dont regret it..Best of luck with everything Jeffy:)
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