"There’s nothing to gain...And I can’t fight the pain"
Today's Song: Billy Talent - Nothing To Lose
Where to start...
Justin and i went to the Woo's house and waited till he came home from the airport. We hung out a bit, then justin had to go to work as Eric and i went to Market to visit Sarah. She went to her Grandma's Bday party after work so Eric and i just window shopped for a long time. Then picked justin up after work, grabbed Sarah, Jocelyn and Cait and went to Schanks. To keep with tradition Eric Justin and i hit Timmy's after.
Justin and Eric picked me up and we went for the famous WILD MOUNTAIN CHICKEN SANDWITCH. D-Lish. Then went and chilled at Justin's till Vanessa got back. Then Eric and i went over (Justin had a exam the next two days). From there we talked alot and then Sarah and Megan headed over. We dropped Sarah off because she had an Exam aswell. Megan Eric Vanessa and i went to Peter's Drive-in and then to BPs.
Then tonight was Amy's b-day. It was awesome. Saw soo many kids who i havn't seen in forever. Amy got right drunk. and it was awesome.
So as i moved from place to place i was always in the middle of conversations about Their University life. FUCK. I have never felt soo stupid or soo far behind. After a while i felt like i just wanted to leave. I soo wish i was making something of my life. But here i am. Doing fucking gr 12 courses. God i wish my life was diffrent.
Tonight i bummed a ride home from Jocelyn, And Jamie was talking about how hot some guy was and she wanted to hook up with him. And it got me thinking about how much i want a GF...
I was thinking. Maybe write an email to Megan Telling her how i feel and sending it before i leave for Cali. But i wouldn't know what to say. How so i tell her that ever scince she broke up with me that i have missed her and thought about her?
When i saw her when Vanessa came home she was soo beautiful. And i felt liek like what is ther in me that she would considder taking me back? Who wants some asshole who can't get past fucking pure math 30. Who wants a kid who ism't making anything of their life.
I wish i could have seen her tonight. Maybe i would have taken her aside and told her that... Maybe i would have told her that i missed her. Maybe i would have asked for a second chance?
I hear from everyone: "Jeff, you gotta move on". Fuck i wish i could. I think about how long ago it was and i think that it can't be normal to feel like this still. So i keep it inside when all i'd like to do is just let it all out.
I wanted to tell her how i felt, but i didn't have the nerve to call her up or anything. So i was hoping that i'd run into her somewhere. Then i thought: "Well when everyone comes back i'll definatly see her. But that one night that i was around her, i was just so ashamed of my life, because everyone was talking about how great university is.
I Hope she reads this. Because it'd be soo much easier then me ever trying to say it.
Maybe when i get home and i read this i'll have the guts to call her.
California in 2 and a half hours... I miss you all and i hope you have awesome holidays.
Where to start...
Justin and i went to the Woo's house and waited till he came home from the airport. We hung out a bit, then justin had to go to work as Eric and i went to Market to visit Sarah. She went to her Grandma's Bday party after work so Eric and i just window shopped for a long time. Then picked justin up after work, grabbed Sarah, Jocelyn and Cait and went to Schanks. To keep with tradition Eric Justin and i hit Timmy's after.
Justin and Eric picked me up and we went for the famous WILD MOUNTAIN CHICKEN SANDWITCH. D-Lish. Then went and chilled at Justin's till Vanessa got back. Then Eric and i went over (Justin had a exam the next two days). From there we talked alot and then Sarah and Megan headed over. We dropped Sarah off because she had an Exam aswell. Megan Eric Vanessa and i went to Peter's Drive-in and then to BPs.
Then tonight was Amy's b-day. It was awesome. Saw soo many kids who i havn't seen in forever. Amy got right drunk. and it was awesome.
So as i moved from place to place i was always in the middle of conversations about Their University life. FUCK. I have never felt soo stupid or soo far behind. After a while i felt like i just wanted to leave. I soo wish i was making something of my life. But here i am. Doing fucking gr 12 courses. God i wish my life was diffrent.
Tonight i bummed a ride home from Jocelyn, And Jamie was talking about how hot some guy was and she wanted to hook up with him. And it got me thinking about how much i want a GF...
I was thinking. Maybe write an email to Megan Telling her how i feel and sending it before i leave for Cali. But i wouldn't know what to say. How so i tell her that ever scince she broke up with me that i have missed her and thought about her?
When i saw her when Vanessa came home she was soo beautiful. And i felt liek like what is ther in me that she would considder taking me back? Who wants some asshole who can't get past fucking pure math 30. Who wants a kid who ism't making anything of their life.
I wish i could have seen her tonight. Maybe i would have taken her aside and told her that... Maybe i would have told her that i missed her. Maybe i would have asked for a second chance?
I hear from everyone: "Jeff, you gotta move on". Fuck i wish i could. I think about how long ago it was and i think that it can't be normal to feel like this still. So i keep it inside when all i'd like to do is just let it all out.
I wanted to tell her how i felt, but i didn't have the nerve to call her up or anything. So i was hoping that i'd run into her somewhere. Then i thought: "Well when everyone comes back i'll definatly see her. But that one night that i was around her, i was just so ashamed of my life, because everyone was talking about how great university is.
I Hope she reads this. Because it'd be soo much easier then me ever trying to say it.
Maybe when i get home and i read this i'll have the guts to call her.
California in 2 and a half hours... I miss you all and i hope you have awesome holidays.
1 Comments:
:P
Perhaps it's the idea of closure that's needed... but I can understand why you wouldn't want to end something that you think could still possibly be there - even if there isn't.
I don't know what to tell you. There are more to many feelings that words alone can not express.
Hrm, perhaps it's time to blog. :P
Anyway, have an awesome time in Cali. This coming term I'm going to handle my time better so I might actually be able to talk to people once again...
Post a Comment
<< Home