It's Done.
Today's Song: Audio Adrenaline - Underdog
"I am so weak and I'm so tired
It's hard for me to
Find enough strength to feed the fires
That fuel my ego "
It's Done, Finished, Useless.
It's my fault really, False hope. Hoping for the best.
"Operation WMB" fizzled... Never even got off the ground. I herd rumors, But thats what i hoped they were JUST rumors. But i mean, When i think about it, What do i have to offer? I don't know where i am going in life, i don't make alot of money, i don't drive, I can't fucking get into a post-secondary school. Nothing to offer. HE does. He is going somewhere, I knew him in Elementary, and even then he knew what he wanted to do with his life and has been going full force at it, and is Achieving his goals. I know he is a good person, which is more then i can say for myself.
I go to the bar, i get drunk, i annoy people. What do i have to offer? Fuck, he is going places. I'd choose him over me anyday.
Then i think: "Well maybe just tell her how you feel... Yea, that might be worth something." No, Probably not. He would feel the same way for her...
I cannot even be mad at him. I mean he is a good guy, He has always been nice, polite respectful. I don't stand a chance...
I remember doing some "Angst Analysis" Thing: My Angst Is...
The part that really comes to mind is: "You probably spend a good portion of your time daydreaming about that one person you want, how your first date would be, how you'd love to do certain things, and above all how everlastingly happy you would be together. While there's nothing wrong with this, you know that it's unhealthy to spend too much time dreaming and not enough time in reality."
Well in my mind everything works out, everything is "Best Case Scenario". That is so true though. FUCK.
"The odds against me
The world has plans for my demise"
MOVE ON
To what? My sweet Cooking job? Or maybe my education?
I'm going nowhere fast...
I was talking to her the other day, And i said: "I hope Sarah Isn't a diffrent kid when she comes back" She told me: "i think we're all a little bit different anyway, right?"
No, I'm the same kid that i was when i came out of highschool. In School it was different, Everyone was living at home, plugging away at the same shit. But in the real world, No one wants a 19 year old fish cook with nothing planned for the future.
Fuck i don't even want to think about it right now. I just want something to make me forget it.
"I am so weak and I'm so tired
It's hard for me to
Find enough strength to feed the fires
That fuel my ego "
It's Done, Finished, Useless.
It's my fault really, False hope. Hoping for the best.
"Operation WMB" fizzled... Never even got off the ground. I herd rumors, But thats what i hoped they were JUST rumors. But i mean, When i think about it, What do i have to offer? I don't know where i am going in life, i don't make alot of money, i don't drive, I can't fucking get into a post-secondary school. Nothing to offer. HE does. He is going somewhere, I knew him in Elementary, and even then he knew what he wanted to do with his life and has been going full force at it, and is Achieving his goals. I know he is a good person, which is more then i can say for myself.
I go to the bar, i get drunk, i annoy people. What do i have to offer? Fuck, he is going places. I'd choose him over me anyday.
Then i think: "Well maybe just tell her how you feel... Yea, that might be worth something." No, Probably not. He would feel the same way for her...
I cannot even be mad at him. I mean he is a good guy, He has always been nice, polite respectful. I don't stand a chance...
I remember doing some "Angst Analysis" Thing: My Angst Is...
The part that really comes to mind is: "You probably spend a good portion of your time daydreaming about that one person you want, how your first date would be, how you'd love to do certain things, and above all how everlastingly happy you would be together. While there's nothing wrong with this, you know that it's unhealthy to spend too much time dreaming and not enough time in reality."
Well in my mind everything works out, everything is "Best Case Scenario". That is so true though. FUCK.
"The odds against me
The world has plans for my demise"
MOVE ON
To what? My sweet Cooking job? Or maybe my education?
I'm going nowhere fast...
I was talking to her the other day, And i said: "I hope Sarah Isn't a diffrent kid when she comes back" She told me: "i think we're all a little bit different anyway, right?"
No, I'm the same kid that i was when i came out of highschool. In School it was different, Everyone was living at home, plugging away at the same shit. But in the real world, No one wants a 19 year old fish cook with nothing planned for the future.
Fuck i don't even want to think about it right now. I just want something to make me forget it.
1 Comments:
You know, I never thought I could really offer anything to Sandra. I guess I was wrong, she stuck with me anyway. Although I still don't think I can.
It's not sometimes what you see in yourself, but what other people see in you.
Give up hope? Never. Never.
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